without you...10 months....Sept 25, 2009

"God saw you getting tired

And a cure was not to be

So He put His arms around you

And whispered 'Come with Me.'

With tearful eyes

We watched you suffer

And saw you fade away

Although we loved you dearly

We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating

Hard working hands at rest

God broke our hearts to prove

He only takes the best.

It's lonesome here without you

We miss you more each day

Life doesn't seem the same

Since you've gone away.

When days are sad and lonely

And everything goes wrong

We seem to hear you whisper

'Cheer up and carry on.'

Each time we see your picture

You seem to smile and say

'Don't cry, I'm in God's keeping

We'll meet again someday.'".....

Well I would like to say that this is going to be a "happy" blog, but i would be lying.  First of all I would like to address the picture i attached to this blog.  That is me sitting behind my Uncle Joeys gravestone last May.  This was the first time I had seen the stone; and needless to say, seeing the name of my uncle engraved on the stone was a shock.  Seeing it made it even MORE official. This picture was taken by my mom on her phone.  My family let me be there to talk to my Tio Joey in private.  I was going through a lot of personal things and I usually turned to him, but he wasnt here anymore.  I sat and prayed to him, asking him for some sort of sign that he could hear me, and that he was with me.  I had felt him around me, but at this time i felt nothing.  I was at this stand still and nothing good was happening, the more bad and negative things happened in my life, the more i was depressed. I remember not seeing any sort of sign and feeling totally crushed.  My heart sank when my mom tapped my shoulder and told me that it was time to go.  Leaving his was the worst, i kissed my hand and knelt down and touched the grass.  As i walked away, i couldnt help but look back and recall the day of his funeral.  I remember arriving there and hearing bagpipes and watching the men in my family, my father included who was my Tio Joey's best friend.  It was heart wrenching.  My mind flashed back to that, i could see everything.  I could see the red roses, I could see my grandparents sitting beside the coffin grief stricken, i remember the faces of my Tio Joey's wife whom he adored, and i remember the faces of his children....Brittany, his daughter, hugging me tight saying that she wanted her daddy back.  I held her close as my two older cousins Bobby and Adrian surrounded us hugging us both.  Bobby Adrian and I had a tight bond because of our Tio Joey.  He always wanted us to LOVE each other no matter what.  He use to take the three of us camping every single year since we were kids, all of the inside jokes, all of the laughs, all of the "sweaty hugs", were all just memories to us now....

I shook myself out of this flashback and got into the car and drove away.  When i arrived at home my mom told me that she sent this picture of me talking to the stone to my blackberry, i opened the attachment and emailed it to myself.  When i opened it, i noticed something on my RIGHT arm.  It looked like some sort of butterfly.  I tried my hardest to come up with some logical explanation, but i was failing miserably. I called my mother over and asked her to look at the picture.  She instantly pointed out the butterfly and said that she did not remember seeing that on my arm when she took it.  I knew that if there WAS a butterfly on me, i would have felt it....i realized that this was a SIGN from him.  I wanted to share this story with people because it is near and dear to my heart.  I have that picture printed and it sits next to my bed to remind me that if i EVER feel alone, my Uncle Joey is with me.......I will always miss him, time may help, but it will never take away all of the pain that i have.  I Love You Tio Joey <3

Now i am also going to share this note that i made on facebook the night before the funeral..:

R.I.P TIO JOEY

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 Sunday, November 30, 2008 at 11:52pm | Edit Note | Delete

As many as you know on 11.25, 2008 I lost my Uncle Joey. i am sitting here in a hotel room counting down the minutes until i have to say farewell to my Tio Joey. I can't sleep thinking about it. I get knots in my stomach every time i think about it. i realize how short life is and how sicknesses has no mercy for anyone in this world. rich, poor, fat, skinny; it dosent matter. I believe that when we are born, we have our life already written, none of us can escape it. Seeing the looks on the faces of those who were at my Uncle's wake, i saw so much sadness and grief; and Lord knows I was one of them. But two faces i will live with forever in my mind is Grandparents'. seeing my grandmother lying her head in my Uncle Joey's chest was heartbreaking, and then seeing my grandfather do the same and kiss my uncle's forehead, it all seemed too much for a family to carry with them. I still do not understand how God can take away a child from a parent like this. Even though i will miss the sound of my Uncle Joey's voice and laugh, I know that he is with the angels and all those who have passed before him that my family misses and love. I wish that this was one giant nightmare, losing someone like an uncle of 47 is really hard for so many of us to deal with. i do hope this, i hope that people in my family become closer from this. i hope that they can see each-other and smile, i know thats what Tio Joey wants. I really dont know what else to write besides the fact that i miss my uncle joey already. i feel like its a dream; like he's going to walk into my house again and scream my name; and make fun of me for listening to the "bullshit boys" and "the f's on the block." I will forever remember our trip to Nantucket. Oh my goodness what a struggle! We got lost...very lost. lol. I remember my Dad and him joking around and how my dad told my tio joey to "shake a leg" when we were crossing the street and how my uncle joey stopped in the middle of the street and shook his leg. I remember apple picking with him and how he would totally start all the apple throwing fights. lol. i remember dancing around at my grandparents' house on Christmas Eves; all of the Birthday parties. and finally i remember how he told me to think of him as i sat on a bench just like he had and think of him. I love you Tio Joey and i hope to find a man half as good as you were.

Stay with me and guide me through everything, just like you always have. I will see you again some day, i know you are waiting for me at the gates of heaven.

Amanda [Or as you called me, "Amandwah"}